Saying YES to Life

Every day, we make CHOICES. We decide on the necessary actions that will most likely result in the least amount of negative reactions and actions.

The above quote had me reflecting on my life. I was wondering why I was continuing through depression, anxiety, overwhelming stress, and all non-joyous activities. Sometimes, I think it is the familiar and comfortable environment that I am used to. To be honest, it feels odd, boring, and skin crawling when my life has no chaos or something to keep me 90% occupied. 

Lately, life has been going smoothly but that has allowed me to have loads of free time. Though I should enjoy this point of rest, especially with the stress of Q1 and the layoffs happening everywhere, I can’t seem to shake my depression. I am not used to experiencing depression for weeks on end anymore and I can’t seem to shake it off. I am also not able to pinpoint why I am depressed which makes it a bit harder to figure out what to do next.

I mention this because I wanted you, my reader, to know though I have experienced depression it hasn’t disappeared from my life. It still affects my day-to-day, but not my every day. With May being Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanted to talk through depression this year.

This is your trigger warning. I will be discussing topics that may be heavy for those that are in certain stages of their mental health. Please make sure to get help if this post triggers you. If you need to contact some, NAMI has a plethora of resources. Their helpline is open 10 am to 10 pm EST Mon – Fri, just call 1.800.950-NAMI, text 62640, or chat at nami.com/help

So let’s get into it. What makes me keep saying YES to Life? In my experience, saying Yes to life wasn’t always a clear option/choice that I knew I had complete control over.  I have had periods in my journey where I didn’t think continuing to live would be the best option for me. I know some people don’t understand that, but it can be difficult to explain as well. Even in the past few weeks, I realized my reason for saying Yes to life has been my husband and not wanting him to experience the pain of losing me.

In the past, I already had views of myself as a person that was tolerated and a burden to everyone I interacted with, including my parents. It didn’t help to already feel like an outsider before my assault because the feelings started to just increase after. Saying Yes to life was for me a constant question I had to answer for a while almost every hour before it became an everyday situation. Throughout these past 15 years, I have had to learn to say yes to living and understand the importance of having a positive outlook & coping mechanisms. Some of the ways that help me get through the bad days and out of the holes of depression have changed throughout the years, but I always tend to go back to the basics for me.

1. Journaling – a lot of times it is just the act of getting my thoughts out on paper and tucking away does the job. Other times I use it as a mechanism to note the items I am grateful for or the things I have accomplished so far. Sometimes old journal entries remind me of the growth I have accomplished and experienced
2. Joyful Activities – now this is not something I tend to associate with my typical self-care weekends, instead, I think of it as activities I used to do as a child that always brought me joy. So many times, that could be for me just sitting in the backyard enjoying the sun to riding my cruiser bike. 
3. Crying it Out – I realize I don’t tend to cry much but that honestly is probably the most straightforward physical act of relief that can be helpful. At least for me, crying allows me to get rid of the shadow of depression and exert enough energy that all my body wants to do after is sleep.
4. Therapy – now I always mention this as a tip but I truly believe therapy is one of my main keys to success. No one in my family is capable of communicating what is right for me and it is good to have a non-judgmental and non-bias party to help you organize your thoughts.

When I was younger, I didn’t see the importance of saying yes but I have had no regrets about continuing on saying YES to life.

** If you know anyone that is in need of help, make sure you check out NAMI or call 888-999-6264. Suicide Helpline Call/Text 988.