Abuse is Not Love

What is love? How do you define it? What does it look like, feel like, sound like? Take a moment to think about it and write it down.

Now, how do you define abuse? What are the differences you see between abuse and love?

One thing that abuse and love have in common is that it can happen in many forms from yourself and others. This is what can make some things confusing to people on deciphering between abuse and love if they never experienced love.

I will say a lot of people always wonder how does abuse starts, why didn’t he/she know their partner was an abuser and why they just don’t leave. Below is some insight into that and how to start the healing process.

So how does abuse start?

Well, abuse can happen at any time within a relationship/friendship between two people. Abuse can also be physical, emotional, mental, financial, etc. With abuse being able to happen at any time within a relationship/friendship, there are some signs you can look for. They are the following:

Physical Abuse: bodily injuries (broken bones, bruises, untreated injuries), physical signs of being punished

Mental Abuse: nervousness around certain people, being extremely withdrawn, being noncommunicative

Sexual Abuse: bruising around the genital area, report of assault/rape

Keep in mind, abuse doesn’t always happen right away in a relationship/friendship. If you see signs of someone controlling your thoughts, movements, or even the people you interact with, that can be the start of developing an environment for the abuse to begin.

Why do victims stay silent?

Victims can stay silent for several reasons: fear, non-existent support, financial dependence, etc. Depending on how long the person has been in the abusive relationship and/or the type of abuse the person is experiencing, will have a victim stay silent. When I was involved in my domestic violent relationship, I stayed silent because it was the fear that nobody would believe me. I was being sexually, mentally, and physically abused but I didn’t have visible marks and acted as if nothing was wrong. I also felt I had brought it upon myself because I had already been sexually abused in high school. Staying silent isn’t shameful, but I want you to remember people will believe you and it is not your fault.

Can abuse lead to mental health issues?

Yes, it can. My sexual abuse incident led to me having anxiety and PTSD. There is nothing to be ashamed of, but it does alter your way of thinking about life. If you feel like you are feeling more emotions than what you consider normal, getting anxious throughout the day about anything or nothing, or having a hard time around certain people, I would suggest going to therapy to work out your emotions and feelings.

What are the first steps to start the healing process?

To start the healing process, you have to be willing to leave the relationship/friendship behind.

If you have left that behind,

1. Find a therapist
   1. This is important. You will be working through emotions that a therapist will have the expertise to help you handle them, work through them, and come out on the better end of everything.
2. Find a new and healthy environment
   1. This could mean rearranging the furniture in the house to moving to a whole different state entirely.  Having a new environment allows for new energy to flow.
3. Rely on your support system
   1. This transition can be scary and new, but having a support system helps. They also help with positive talk, thinking, and keeping you from falling back into that friendship/relationship.
4. Discover what makes you joyful and happy again
   1. This is probably the hardest part of it, but the best. This is when you take the time to rediscover who you are as a person, what you love to do, what brings you joy and happiness, and what are your boundaries. Trust me, take some serious time doing this. Don’t jump into another relationship until you are ready because the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself

I hope this gives you a little more understanding of how abuse is not love and how to start over if you are looking for it. If you are looking for more motivation, subscribe as I provide the tips I live by to obtain peace as a Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence Survivor.