Joy shouldn’t be Foreign, Right?

Definition of Joy:

Noun

a feeling of great pleasure and happiness

What do you see when you hear someone say joy? What does it feel like? No really, how does it physically make you feel? Honestly, I had never taken any thought to what joy looked like or felt like, let alone if any other sense were involved.  It wasn’t until my ability to not understand or feel joy was gone for years, that I realized it was something that I could control.

If you are new to the blog, I would suggest reading some of the previous posts before moving on.

…the actor walks around with a smiley face on a popsicle stick…That was me.

At least for 5 years, I did not know what made me happy, brought me joy, let alone how to even get that feeling back. I had started to go down the path of anger and depression at the age of 16, but some of the people around me would have not known it. I always made sure to mimic what others around me were feeling at events so I could look like I belonged and fit in. It was kind of like those commercials you see on tv about the medication that can help with depression. When the actor walks around with a smiley face on a popsicle stick and props it up when they think others want them to be happy but they are really feeling down. That was me.

Next time….you experience joy, just sit in the moment.

I thought if I faked being happy eventually that emotion will start to appear to me again. Honestly, it took me years to understand that my happiness couldn’t come from two things: 1) faking it to try to fit in and 2) trying to please the people around me just to get recognition and feel some small sliver of happiness. I am not saying I have perfected it because even to this day it is a habit I have to constantly remind myself about it. Just a tidbit, mental habits are so hard to break and it takes constant work every day.

It was like being a child again when I had to discover what brought me joy and happiness again. I had to try some old things, and new things and develop new friendships.  Once I was able to feel joy again, there were some things I had to keep in mind.

3 Things to Keep In Mind

1. Feeling Joy may be a bit foreign and that is okay. It is an emotion you haven’t felt in a long time so it may make you feel physically sick
2. You may also feel guilty for finding joy. It may feel like you are giving up on yourself but in reality, you are growing into the next phase of yourself
3. Next time or the first time you experience joy, just sit in the moment. Get used to the feeling because it won’t be the last. Learn to fall back in love with joy and happiness

Take some time during the next day off, long weekend, or just on a random weekday and find something that brings you joy.